Sometimes I forget how to speak. Not like I become mute or anything. Just that I forget how to be my true self. The self that I always want to be, but sometimes don’t have the confidence to be. It seems to happen to me in waves and at random times throughout my life. Yes, we are ever-changing and maturing but I think there is an underlying ‘self’ that most of us have that sticks with us throughout our lifetimes. I just seem to forget it or bury it away at times. I understand what hides it and what might control it, but it is easier said than done to find it and bring it back. I was visiting a friend in London this weekend, we were catching up, and I explained to him that my last 2 weeks were pretty amazing and the world seemed a lot brighter. A few days earlier I had figured out why I was feeling this way as it came to mind that I was taking chances, letting my anxiety go, and saying ‘fuck it.’ I was letting the worries of life melt off of me. It was an epiphany that I have come to realize before but since then have forgotten. It’s something I constantly forget.

So, I asked myself what are the things that bring my ‘self’ back to me and how can I constantly live with that courage that often seems to fade away when hard times arise. I’ve been doing a lot of interviews lately. A lot of interviews… I prep well in advance for the roles that I know I am suited for; ones where I might have the experience and the skill set that is laid out in the job description. I read up on the type of people the company might like, past interviews and what the right answers to their questions might be, and take the ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ mentality to heart. I over-prep for the phone call or the interview and when the time comes and I start talking I can hear the bullshit coming out of my mouth, just as if I was a completely different person. I might be chipper, or serious, maybe smooth. It all depends on the person I am talking to. But, at the end of the day I am not me. I am not being genuine to the interviewer or to myself. Many people have told me, and I used to agree, that sometimes you have to be that fake person in order to get ahead. That you have to tell white lies, pump up your CV, and put on a different face. But, I’ve realized that if you’ve put in the hard work and the time in the past and you are truly interested in the job ahead then you shouldn’t need to put on the facade.

It was last Wednesday over a pint with a friend that I cracked that code. I was talking about things I was truly interested in. I was doing little impersonations and cracking myself up. I was just being my old weird self. I was relaxed and in the moment. I hadn’t felt that way in a while. Then, I talked about work and the interview process and how I was so anxious and that nothing was coming out of it in my favor. My friend simply said, ‘be honest.’ She reminded me to be real and to be open about my shortcomings, setbacks, and gaps in my CV in order to paint a picture of what kind of professional I am and where I want to go. I should, quite simply, be myself. It was a straightforward, yet transforming conversation that kick started something inside of me. I took that into my next phone call and the pressure was lifted. I was an open book ready to sell my true self.

I’ve come up with two attributes that stand out to this rediscovered self-realization. One is confidence and the other is not giving a fuck. Having unwavering confidence in everything you do unlocks this special power inside of you that allows you to do anything you want. A lot of foreign people I have met have said that this is an American attribute, which I don’t doubt is partly true. It is having that deep belief you can reach a goal whether or not you have the means at that moment to get there. Others might think your ambitions are absolutely impossible but, if you truly believe it then you will make it happen one way or another. But, you must also remember that your dream is still just a dream until you decide to act on it.

I was authentically inspired by the book ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ by Mark Manson and that is definitely where the second attribute stems from. That book was the push I needed to take my 6-month backpacking trip and I am forever grateful for having that experience. But, I think it was only until recently that I really understood the power of not sweating the small stuff, or most stuff for that matter. I often found my mind racing and my thoughts wandering. This would result in procrastination which would then lead into under-performance because I would be spreading myself so thin. What I learned is to care less about the things I can’t change and to focus on the things that I can (a little serenity prayer nod there). This holds true for more than just the constant worries of daily life. I found it extremely empowering to not get caught up in everyone else’s opinions about you and about the world around you. Someone will always say don’t do that, that’s not right, or you’re wrong. There is so much opinion floating around, especially in the age of social media, that it’s easy to get caught up in what other people think. Who the fuck cares… you do you. Learn from the mistakes that come out of your failures and form your own opinion uninhibited by anyone else.